My Life Ain't That Great

We all know that line, we all know it's a lie. We do it to spare other people's feelings, not because it's in any way true. The people who say it are the ones who in power in the relationship. The ones who don't need to attach emotionally. The ones who get told that line care too much. We're the ones that do all the work, that apologize for every fight. Sometimes we can stop it before we get that line though. We decide to put our foot down. We take control. We decide that we're not going to take the emotional burden of a relationship, especially one we thought that they wanted to be in too. It takes immense courage and strength to put your foot down. But it still hurts. More than people could imagine.

People think that my life is all peachy. I'm smart, sociable, proud, and I don't care what people think. At least that's the view I give the world. Inside I'm different. I feel awkward, burdened, and I care what other people think. I memorize facts so I have an identity as something, a nerd. Don't get me wrong being a nerd is pretty great. We all sort of band together so none of us feel alone. But that's not the identity I always wanted. When I was little I imagined myself as popular and easygoing, not the girl I find myself to be now. It took me a long time to find my identity, I still haven't fully figured out who I am. Life isn't as great as people think it should be. But maybe I want it to be that way.